Man's Best Friend.....

I was attacked by 20 dogs!

A couple of nights ago we went to the gay bar.  It was so pleasantly stereotypical.  A lot of bad electronic music and guys in tight Abercrombie tee shirts, who all flirted with me as a way to get to Kevin.  He liked it.  The highlight was when Cher came on, and suddenly everyone knew all the lyrics, and even I rocked out more than I would like to admit.

            On the way there we were the victims of attempted robbery.  Two men tried pushing us up against the walls and so forth.  I poked one of them in the eye real deep and bit him and we got away (really wanted to wash my hands after that).

            Then yesterday two guys tried to rob me in the park, but I had an umbrella so I took a good stab at the guy’s jugular, and got away.

         Today, in another park,  I was attacked by a pack of dogs. Didn’t quite get away. Seriously, there were like twenty of them.  I had various thoughts running through my head when it started, The first of which was "Be calm”, but all that lead to was me being an easier target.  Kicking was out of the question, because there were so many of them, with teeth sunk into my pant legs at all time.

          So then I decided to run. (Take a moment to picture me trying to outrun twenty angry dogs.)  This only encouraged them.  But I couldn’t exactly stop running, so I just kept going as fast as I could. At least my moving legs were harder to bite. Perfectly, at this exact moment my ipod was playing a Molotov song - "MORDIDA MORDIDA!!" ("bitten bitten"). How cute and amusing.

       Up ahead I saw my demise was near, because the hill took a drastic turn upwards (I live in the Andes mountains, don’t forget...it was quite
steep)...and before I even got to the hill I had to traverse a mudslide, which led to a lot of awkwardness on my part, and a few good bites on the
dogs' side.  Eventually they stopped chasing me, and aside from a few bloody bites, I am fine.  Hopefully I don’t have rabies.  The bites hurt a
little, but it was the whole psychological trauma that gets me down.  It sucks being chased by dogs.  I thought I was on pretty good terms with the animal kingdom.
Oh well.

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