Today is Valentines day. The only "I love You" I heard come from a parrot. sigh! Some day my ship will come. Actually, I am single by choice.  I must take these depressing little Hallmark loneliness moments with the good, which is...............my freedom! woo hoo. My freedom which has so masochistically led me, yet again, to the middle of the Amazon jungle. What was I thinking? Twice down the Amazon in one year? e gads. It is so so so so so unglamorous. I should have remembered that. Amazing how revisionist memories can be. I had thought more about the evening breezes, the pink dolphins, the interesting juice concoctions....and I completely deleted the overwhelming FILTH involved.

Sweat, sweat, sweat...that is all I do. I even snuck into the pool of a fancy hotel today (the absolute only respite from this city of dust and litter) The exact second I got out of the pool I was sweating again. Gross. If I wasn't actively trying to restrain myself, this entry would ramble on for pages about sweat. UG!!!

For a while I was finding solace in a crappy little roadside, open air restaurant. I enjoyed their guava juice. Then yesterday we got guavas at the market. Upon opening one, it becomes apparent that these yummy fruits are about 50% maggot. EEEW! We inspected a whole bunch, and they were all just maggot nests. The market women didn't understand our surprise. Didn't we know that all guavas are filled with maggots??  So this means that for the last 5 days, I have been drinking maggot juice. YUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! I should go on Fear Factor.

We arrived here in Colombia last Wednesday. There was a boat to Manaus, but David was feverish so we stayed on here in Leticia. David's fever rose, and eventually he had to go to the hospital. It was a bit scary. David, normally the poster boy of serenity - was freaked out and delirious and babbling (and yes, sweating!) There was an asshole doctor (named Julius Caesar!) who was entirely uncompassionate. It was really....bleck. He vomited and shit for about 48 hours straight, and now he is a paler version of his normal self. And a little less self satisfied in regards to his barefooted, garbage consuming, fungus growing personal habits. Actually, his fungus growing hasn't changed. In fact, the fungus on David's leg has gotten so huge that he has come to thinking of it as a pet. Yesterday he was contemplating names for it. I think a trip to the pharmacy isn't high on his list....so in the wake of the dead parrot debacle, we now have a pet fungus. Yeah, jungle!

We tried to get on the Saturday boat, but that was unsuccessful. We got there a day early and pitched our hammocks (because we can no longer collectively afford a hotel room)...Dex has only 100 dollars left. An entrance visa for Brazil costs 150 dollars. Thus he tried to sneak into the country. He hid in the cargo hull of the boat. It seemed a dubious prospect, but I prefered it to the alternative (me paying for his visa)..........He got caught though. So as the boat was pulling away from the dock, we all got thrown off. I actually had to jump over a wide expanse of filthy river water, off a moving boat. I suck at stuff like that,but, knock on wood, I still haven't fallen in. (I fell in the Ganges once, in Calcutta. I think that was enough nastiness to fill a lifetimes worth of river-falling-into's)............
So, we are stuck, waiting for the next boat, on Wednesday.. In the interim we are living on a boat, in our hammocks, to save on hotel costs. It is fine I guess....but a little sketchy and far away. It takes 1 and a half hours to walk here to Leticia....to my only joy.........internet!

The hygiene thing is rapidly deteriorating. Everyone along the Amazon uses this majestic river as a toilet bowl and garbage dump. It is so murky and polluted. It is impressively sad, to see such a huge river so compromised. The boat we live on soaks up this sewer water and that is what we have to shower and brush our teeth with. ick. So unappealing. I live on baby wipes. I feel like a Primadonna, but it is better than typhus!

I am enjoying Portuguese, but it still eludes me. It is like blurry Spanish. I can understand most of it, but when I speak I am met with blank looks. Though, in my defense, the Brazilians are famously moronic in regards to their ability to make minor intuitive leaps regarding language.
"Onde fica a farmacIa?
"que?"
" a farmacIa"
"que?"
"a farmacIa!!"
"QUe???????"
"FarmacIA!!!!!!!!"
"QUE?????????????"
(Then you point to a pharmacy)
"A FARMACIA!!!!!!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.a farmAcia!"

ug

There is a bunch of other stuff I am ready to complain about, but now my eyes hurt (complain!) from the sun, so I am sick of this computer screen. I am going to eat eggs and drink maggot juice in the sweltering midday sun. Don't you envy this exotic travel life of mine!!

Oh, one more serious moment of whining....UG UG UG!!!! Our original plan was to go to the World Social Forum in Brazil. But we didn't. And now I hear that Manu Chao played a free concert there. GRR! and Bersuit Vergarabat, my other favorite band. Double grrrrr! And the Manu did a mini Brazilian tour, which I missed cuz I was in the jungle scraping fungus off myself, drinking maggots. TRIPLE GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Just think, if things had gone right, I could have been spending valentines day with Manu Chao, the new love of my life, in some exotic place with air conditioning and real showers. (Because, obviously, as this message reveals, I am irresistibly charming, and Manu would have wanted to sweep me away)  sigh.......Oh well, at least the parrot says he loves me.

 Back                         Next Story                       Home